What can I say about Duke that I haven't already said in my videos? This written review will be pretty short, because my videos cover everything quite nicely, plus let's be honest, I'd rather spend my time reviewing something . . . I dunno, good?

What can be said about Duke that hasn't already been said in general? You're surely already familiar with the storm surrounding its hype and release, including the fraudulent advertising that 2K heaped upon us, hoping we wouldn't notice. 

You probably also heard the comments from the head of Gearbox, who tweeted that DNF is, and I quote verbatim "With sales data, It seems like *customers* love Duke. I guess sometimes we want greasy hamburgers instead of caviar..."

I mentioned this in my video reviews, but this logic fails on so many levels. The most important of these is that a hamburger doesn't cost what caviar does, and therefore, we don't EXPECT it to be the same experience. To correct that analogy, Duke Nukem Forever should retail for about a dollar, based on the average difference in price between a 4 ounce burger, and a 4 ounce jar of caviar. 

To follow in 2K's footsteps, which only PROVES that he not only APPROVES of fraudulent advertising, but sees fit to do it himself, he tweets the following, as though it was a positive thing: 

"I was shocked that I had found myself repeatedly, well, a little shocked." - Kotaku.com's Luke Plunkett on Duke Forever"

If you read the article, seen here, you will see that the context of the review is HIGHLY negative, and that Randy is attempting to spin a comment taken out of context to be a positive thing. 

At this point, I have nothing more to say other than watch whichever version of my video you'd like. I have done a 13 minute version which will show you the general idea, and a 52 minute version which will show you everything.

Either way, don't buy DNF. It's not worth it, which is a shame. I actually like Borderlands, and I would do a fairly positive review of it if 2K hadn't rudely blown me off ( bet they're regretting that now ) and Randy's attitude about reviewers and game design in general. I don't have to care what 2K thinks about my review or my expose, as mine is a fully independent evaluation site, and I don't depend on their support at all. I'm sure that they were hoping this would be the case with most sites, but I'm not alone in being unimpressed with Duke. 

It will however do a lot for the industry . . . 

. . . to set it back to about 1983, when it was nothing more than a past time for juveniles. There is nothing fun, interesting, titillating, sexy, or scandalous about it. It's a lazy, jaded, cynical, poorly executed cash in. 

Randy: It's one thing to stick to something you "made", but own up. The thing is a turkey. Don't be too shocked when we don't rush out to buy Aliens. If this is what you defend as a great game, I am not holding my breath that Aliens is in good, or even honest, hands. 

I'm deeply ashamed of this industry right now. 

Duke Review, short version: 

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Longer, 52 minute video. Watch, then don't buy the game, you won't have to. 

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Conclusion

I suppose I have to give it a score. I have not yet published my own proprietary format for review "scores" as I prefer not to use scores at all, but by my logic, and to follow the general idea of metacritic: 

I cannot give the game even an average score, as it's not an average quality experience. It's OFFENSIVE, but only in that they charge $50!!! ( Still . . . to this day ), to experience this crap. Had it been released at $20, I'd probably give it a 68 or better. ( please do not interpret this as meaning that AFTER it goes on sale, I would give it a 68, as the rampant dishonesty behind its advertising campaign still stands ) But after the advertising cover-up, I cannot give the game above a 50, but since it was reasonably bug free, just a crap game, I will render unto it:

Final Score - 48