Two and a Half Men: 901 - Nice to Meet you, Walden Schmidt. 

Train Wreck Paradox

Chuck Lorre thinks that Charlie Sheen is a train wreck, we get it. It's hardly a spoiler at this point to say that Charlie's character was killed off and how, but the massive potential of an episode which features virtually every guest star the show has ever had is completely lost in what ends up being a paradoxical train wreck of an episode.

There is absolutely no heart or sincerity in the funeral for Charlie, which comes off as a parody of the previous episode "611 - The Devil's Lube" including the same exact spit joke. It's neither funny nor appropriately disrespectful. It's just painful to watch, but not for the right reasons. Jake appears to be genuinely sad, and is the only one NOT smiling in the opening, which makes the whole thing just uncomfortable to watch, but they ruined even his presence with a cheap joke. 

Speaking of Spitting

The appearance of Dharma and Greg could have been a nice wink, or an homage to another Chuck Lorre show, but it comes off spiteful and mean, and is just another in a series of "moments" strung together to create one big joke that misses. John Stamos drops in for a quick and incongruent roast as well. Joel Murray reappearing as a different character but so recognizable as to be confusing calls into question the budget for this episode. 

The "I'm not cleaning that up" and "who he left the house to" and "pretty much anything out of Alan's mouth" jokes are recycled, as if this entire episode was written via pasting lines from the previous 8 seasons. 

Alan's speech to Charlie's urn almost feels genuine, and delivers the only decent chuckle of the episode, but for an episode co-written by Chuck himself, I expected a LOT more. Chuck, I'm on your side here but give me something to work with. 

There comes a time in the life of a show when it needs to die, no matter how good it was. There are a lot of TAAHM haters, but I liked the show. It was something to put on in the background during long hours of lying around with my hurt back, but this episode makes it hurt more. It actually does. It's such a wasted opportunity, and serves only to stick it to Charlie Sheen. Maybe the season will pick up, but so far, I'm not impressed. I see most shows as having about a five season lifespan. Most are shorter. To go 9 is pretty awesome, but does it have the potential? Believe me, I'm grateful for the closure, but maybe they could have done a two hour series finale and wrapped up? I'm still not over CBS cancelling The Unit so abruptly and without cause. At least give an awesome show an awesome send off. 

Walden Schmidt? Seriously?

Ashton Kutcher . . . I was fearful of this casting, and his Tweeny reputation, but he served up the only convincing acting in the whole thing. He managed a really human "twinkle" in his eyes that makes you watch him closely, waiting to see what he will do. I didn't really BUY his distress as much as I think he was trying to sell it, but if anything is going to breathe some new blood into poisoned veins, it's this. Walden spends half of his appearance naked, with more than a few endowment jokes ( seriously, how 'hard' do you have to drive the point home? ) and part of it bragging ( this is not endearing ) and the rest having a threesome in a strange house with two hot girls, who by the by, look like they were cut out of a book called "Two and a Half Men: Cookie Cutter Characters". 

How long till they bust out the "Oh . . . Schmidt" joke? 

Ashton, I'm watching you. Now impress me.